Jokes, Humour and Amusing Anecdotes
Ok, in response to Todds request that we have a humourous thread, I thought I'd kick off with the following jokes. Add more as you come across them via email etc. A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," huskily breathed the bartender, "Is there anything I can do? "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suckle on them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room." A young man moved into a new flat of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a young & extremely attractive young lady came out of the flat next to the mailboxes, wearing a slinky silken robe. The lad smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor young lad broke into a sweat & was desparetly trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm causing him to visibly gulp & quiver for a moment and after gazing into his eyes with a long sultry stare she said seductively, "Let's go into my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "…..Outside….when you said you heard someone….coming.... …that was me." A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Since it was close to Christmas, both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it was but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so begged & pleaded with their dad for the clue as to what was for dinner. "Well" the father said with a smile, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes." The children immediately retch and heave in horror, spraying out the food from their mouths in disgust & the youngest girl screams, "Don't eat it.... it's f*cking arsehole!!!!!!!!
Ok, in response to Todds request that we have a humourous thread, I thought I'd kick off with the following jokes. Add more as you come across them via email etc. A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," huskily breathed the bartender, "Is there anything I can do? "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suckle on them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room." A young man moved into a new flat of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a young & extremely attractive young lady came out of the flat next to the mailboxes, wearing a slinky silken robe. The lad smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor young lad broke into a sweat & was desparetly trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm causing him to visibly gulp & quiver for a moment and after gazing into his eyes with a long sultry stare she said seductively, "Let's go into my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "…..Outside….when you said you heard someone….coming.... …that was me." A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Since it was close to Christmas, both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it was but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so begged & pleaded with their dad for the clue as to what was for dinner. "Well" the father said with a smile, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes." The children immediately retch and heave in horror, spraying out the food from their mouths in disgust & the youngest girl screams, "Don't eat it.... it's f*cking arsehole!!!!!!!!